... then maybe relationship counselling is what you need.
Couples can quite easily get into vicious cycles. If you are like most people, you easily slip into well-worn patterns of reacting when someone pushes your buttons. Those buttons release pain, driven by fear and you'll do anything to calm the fear, soothe the pain, avoid the hurt. For one person, that may mean totally losing it; for another, it may involve withdrawing, shutting down, getting the hell out of there.
More often than not, your automatic responses to the emotions you are feeling, and/or avoiding, result in behavior that damages your relationships. Furthermore, these cycles of behaviour involve both partners and become self-reinforcing.
You may fear losing connection, so you try to seize connection and overwhelm your partner in the process. You may fear being ouf of control, so you try to take control of the situation, desperately wanting to overcome your feelings of helplessness. In the process, you push your partner away. You may fear conflict, desparately trying to flee it, leaving your partner feeling abandoned.